Birthday Thoughts
We have had a busy few days; so busy, in fact, that my poor addled brain, short on sleep*, is faltering as I try to think of a single specific from the last two days. Think, Laura, think...
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..... (tumbleweeds) ....
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Through the haze I recall the Wednesday things. Four chapters of the Box Car Children... a few pages of a math workbook... one reading lesson... two cold-weather walks in knight regalia... Theo spelling words with magnetic letters, such as "hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog!" (Shout out to a certain cousin).
Today (Thursday) was... da da DUUUUUUUUM: Theo's birthday!!! He struggles with an unusual phenomenon: birthday anxiety. While most kids are counting down the days with pure excitement, Theo becomes increasingly anxious as his approaches. Why? Because he does not want to get old and die. At least, that is the only reason I have ever been able to extract in our many conversations on the topic.
Actually, in my browsing of online groups for parents with kids who struggle with anxiety, this theme (fear of birthdays/getting older) is not THAT uncommon, surprisingly enough. I think a lot of bright kids who are very aware of life/death/mortality actually have this fear. Theo has asked probing questions about life/death/heaven/God since he was barely 3.
For the last few weeks he has been asking how close his birthday is, getting anxious when we tell him when it is happening, etc. "Is it really soon?" "How soon is it?" "Is it a long way away?" And so on. I kept thinking his overall level of anxiety and tenseness was due to the shift from school to homeschooling, but now I am beginning to suspect most of his nervousness had to do with his upcoming birthday.
Today he had a scared moment when he first woke up and realized it was his birthday. But it was short-lived, just like last year. It is like he just realizes, "Oh, it is another day; mostly just a regular day, except I get presents, cake, and more attention. Cool." He opened his presents, which were awesome and checked many of the boxes of things he has been wanting DESPERATELY for ages (read: footie pajamas). And the day proceeded to be really, really fun, with almost NO MELTDOWNS at all. I am telling you, this no meltdowns thing is a big deal. We have been living in Meltdown City for weeks and it ain't been pretty.
Tonight there was a Christmas tree lighting in the Crozet town square, along with hot chocolate, cookies, a demo of a robotic self-driving car (not sure where that fits in but it happened) and a real, live snowman walking around waving. My children, mostly Theo, proceeded to stalk said-snowman for most of the festivities, trying to determine the gender of the person in the suit, insisting that he/she was not a real snowman, and showing off their footie pajamas (because both my children were wearing footie pajamas).
It is wonderful to see Theo so happy and light-hearted and just enjoying his life and childhood, instead of bearing the weight of heavy things and feeling afraid. On one hand, I know that his sensitivity to life brings with it so many blessings and gifts, for him and for the world. On the other, it is hard to be so sensitive, as it can bring fear and anxiety. It is a double-edged sword that I hope he can learn to wield with deftness as the years go on and he grows. He is a bright, curious, vivacious boy with such depth (and such love of potty humor). Happy birthday Theo!!
(*Willem high-jacked our bed at midnight, complaining of a mysteriously "itchy tummy" that has since vanished, but did not fail to first steal a fair chunk of our night's sleep as he wedged himself between us so we had to sleep like we were cloaked in straight jackets.)
....
..... (tumbleweeds) ....
....
Through the haze I recall the Wednesday things. Four chapters of the Box Car Children... a few pages of a math workbook... one reading lesson... two cold-weather walks in knight regalia... Theo spelling words with magnetic letters, such as "hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog!" (Shout out to a certain cousin).
Today (Thursday) was... da da DUUUUUUUUM: Theo's birthday!!! He struggles with an unusual phenomenon: birthday anxiety. While most kids are counting down the days with pure excitement, Theo becomes increasingly anxious as his approaches. Why? Because he does not want to get old and die. At least, that is the only reason I have ever been able to extract in our many conversations on the topic.
Actually, in my browsing of online groups for parents with kids who struggle with anxiety, this theme (fear of birthdays/getting older) is not THAT uncommon, surprisingly enough. I think a lot of bright kids who are very aware of life/death/mortality actually have this fear. Theo has asked probing questions about life/death/heaven/God since he was barely 3.
For the last few weeks he has been asking how close his birthday is, getting anxious when we tell him when it is happening, etc. "Is it really soon?" "How soon is it?" "Is it a long way away?" And so on. I kept thinking his overall level of anxiety and tenseness was due to the shift from school to homeschooling, but now I am beginning to suspect most of his nervousness had to do with his upcoming birthday.
Today he had a scared moment when he first woke up and realized it was his birthday. But it was short-lived, just like last year. It is like he just realizes, "Oh, it is another day; mostly just a regular day, except I get presents, cake, and more attention. Cool." He opened his presents, which were awesome and checked many of the boxes of things he has been wanting DESPERATELY for ages (read: footie pajamas). And the day proceeded to be really, really fun, with almost NO MELTDOWNS at all. I am telling you, this no meltdowns thing is a big deal. We have been living in Meltdown City for weeks and it ain't been pretty.
Tonight there was a Christmas tree lighting in the Crozet town square, along with hot chocolate, cookies, a demo of a robotic self-driving car (not sure where that fits in but it happened) and a real, live snowman walking around waving. My children, mostly Theo, proceeded to stalk said-snowman for most of the festivities, trying to determine the gender of the person in the suit, insisting that he/she was not a real snowman, and showing off their footie pajamas (because both my children were wearing footie pajamas).
It is wonderful to see Theo so happy and light-hearted and just enjoying his life and childhood, instead of bearing the weight of heavy things and feeling afraid. On one hand, I know that his sensitivity to life brings with it so many blessings and gifts, for him and for the world. On the other, it is hard to be so sensitive, as it can bring fear and anxiety. It is a double-edged sword that I hope he can learn to wield with deftness as the years go on and he grows. He is a bright, curious, vivacious boy with such depth (and such love of potty humor). Happy birthday Theo!!
(*Willem high-jacked our bed at midnight, complaining of a mysteriously "itchy tummy" that has since vanished, but did not fail to first steal a fair chunk of our night's sleep as he wedged himself between us so we had to sleep like we were cloaked in straight jackets.)
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